Quiet Tuesdays

In times of hardship or stress people have a tendency to cut themselves off from others. Such self isolation compounds the original discomfort by making someone feel like they are suffering alone – and maybe even that they are the only person that feels like that. In the longer term this can lead to guilt about the false idea that they themselves are responsible for their own unpleasant feelings and emotions. Quite clearly in the present virus situation of 2020, the broader necessary and imposed isolation will compound this of pain and low self-worth.

Most people are lucky enough to be living with access to virtual connection. Whilst it cannot take the place of face to face communication, online linking and community is able to provide vital support for us all: we are not alone, we are not different from everyone else because we suffer. I believe that a sense of togetherness can greatly increase people’s well being. A sharing of experience is a lifting of the burden. This is why I am starting Quiet Tuesdays; for my own and anyone else’s benefit who wants to spend 20 to 30 minutes a week sitting mindfully together. We can help each other improve our health. Rob Brandsma (from ‘Mindfulness Teaching Guide) talks about how such a group can create resonance whereby our individual experience links up with other people’s. This can lead to increased group wisdom when we realise that there are many more possibilities than we could have realised on our own. Also we can see that our difficulties aren’t personal; that they are part of a wider shared human experience. Through this understanding a third benefit of togetherness is created.

I aim to create a regular dependable place for quiet and space in people’s week; somewhere to slow down, stop and notice. The longer term vision is that this session will grow into a small community of mutual support, born out of shared practice in a shared place. This is not a course and there will be little teaching. The most important activity will guided mindfulness; so the time will be spent primarily on experiential learning.  I chose the word ‘quiet’ but, to be honest, only just rejected ‘silent’. Maybe over time, depending on how and if the community develops, it might become beneficial to have brief discussions about the experience of practice in the group. But to forge a solid start, I believe it is best we simply practice together.  People are welcome to drop in to sessions, but the deepest and widest benefits will come from committing to such a practice and community on a regular basis. The changes that mindfulness can bring will certainly come but they will be more deeply and profoundly affective by putting in the energy over the long term.

Trying to Start Close In

I have a lot of plans. Most of which will never leave my mind, let alone get spoken out loud or recorded in written word. A multitude of fantastical fantasies, each detailing how my future could unravel itself successfully. So much of my day and my formal meditation time is spent in my head like this. It’s wonderfully easy to do. In fact, I am an expert at it. If you want guidance as to how to waste your time running stories around and around, I’m your man.

So when I heard David Whyte’s poem “Start Close In” recently I could see myself clearly pictured amongst his words and especially the part

Don’t take, the second step, or the third, start with the first, thing, close in, the step, you don’t, want to take.

from River Flow: New and Selected Poems

Passing time in my head rather than here in the present, in this body, is no challenge. There is no resistance here. It is comfortable. Which is why it is also such a beguiling place to reside for extended periods. So I have made myself a promise to put more effort in moving away from the facile second and third steps and take a ‘small step I can call my own’.

You can find him on facebook at @PoetDavidWhyte

Here he is reading his poem. Underneath are the printed lines of the verse

START CLOSE IN

Start close in,
don’t take 
the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t 
want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way to begin
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people’s questions,
don’t let them
smother something
simple.

To hear
another’s voice,
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes an
intimate
private ear
that can
really listen
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don’t follow
someone else’s
heroics, 
be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don’t mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don’t take
the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t 
want to take.

Starting Mindfulness

First things first, you don’t have to have a mindfulness teacher because all you need to know is

Breathe in and know you are breathing in; breathe out and know you are breathing out.

That is it. So yes, you could say anyone who is a mindfulness teacher is a fraud because as far as I can see all the guidance you need is in that phrase. Yet nearly every mindfulness teacher you meet or can listen to will openly state they are unable to follow that instruction the whole time or probably even half the time.

So attending a class or following a course will help you see that mindfulness is also ‘present moment recollection’ as Christine Feldman described it. Just this breath and this moment…. but then this breath has passed and this moment is gone and you have to start again or, if you are fortunate, carry on. Within “breathe in and know you are breathing in; breathe out and know you are breathing out.” is a lifetime’s experience and wisdom. Mindfulness whilst simple and clear is also not to be summed up in a pretty meme or statement. Those are just the start.

So being in a class or following a course allows you to practice mindfulness in many moments and the practice is made that much easier by having a teacher who can help you help yourself and being with other participants to let you know you aren’t the only one feeling these things and thinking those thoughts.

The mindfulness teacher can only be a guide, it is the mindfulness that will teach you again and again in each and every moment you are aware of.

Why TRUSTING Mind?

At the heart of mindfulness is the truth that it is the teaching not the teacher that matters. We practice paying attention to the breath, to the body, to the feeling and to the mind and then apply that to the ups and downs, the stresses and strains of your own day to day experiences. So over time we come to realise that we have to “practice taking responsibility for ourselves.” We have to trust ourselves.

That we have no one to rely on but ourselves, that the answers are inside of and not out there somewhere, may sound liberating at first, but it can also be an unnerving and frightening thought. As we practice more though, it becomes clearer that the only way to do be with the responsibility of this truth is simply to trust the practice; pause, notice the breath in and the breath out, be aware of the gap maybe between one breath and the next. Trust that this is it that this is all that is needed. A trusting mind will lead to a trusting mind…..

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